The Flourishing Family
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The Flourishing Family
Welcome to Pathway Church! Whether you’re here in the room, joining us online, at our Moon campus, or at the Classic venue, I’m glad we’re together as we kick off a new series today called Family Matters. Families are interesting places—no other space can bring greater joy when you get it right, or greater pain when you get it wrong. We all want to move toward becoming a flourishing family, not a dysfunctional one, and that’s what we’ll explore in this series over the next five weeks.
The Dysfunctional Family House: A Cautionary Tale
A Wall Street Journal article highlighted a couple, Carl and Tiffany Leadbetter, who designed their home to avoid each other. Their large house had separate bedrooms, sitting rooms, independent hallways, and even an escape room to ensure they wouldn’t cross paths. Mr. Leadbetter loved it because it gave them “so many ways to avoid one another.” Builders today note a trend toward secluded spaces—internet alcoves and isolation rooms—perfect for the “dysfunctional family.” But is that what we want? A blueprint for dysfunction? No, we’re aiming for something different: a flourishing family where we grow together, not apart.
Family Matters: A Series for Growth
In this Family Matters series, we’ll explore topics like family discipleship, marriage, singleness, and sexuality. Today, we start with the flourishing family, looking at principles from a biblical family with both dysfunction and redemption: Jacob’s family in Genesis. Whether you’re a family of one, a couple, or a household with kids, we all have room to grow. I encourage you to return each week and invite others who might benefit.
Lessons from Jacob’s Family: Dysfunction and Redemption
Jacob’s family in Genesis 29 and beyond shows us both dysfunction and hope. We can learn from their negative examples to avoid pitfalls, and from their positive moments to build a flourishing family. Let’s dive into four principles from Jacob’s story.
1. Don’t Allow Deception: The Cycle of Pain
Deception is a dangerous reality in many homes, leading to tremendous pain. In Genesis 29, Jacob goes to his uncle Laban to find a wife and falls in love with Rachel. Laban agrees to let Jacob marry her after seven years of service. Genesis 29:20 says those years “seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.” But on the wedding night, Laban deceives Jacob, giving him Rachel’s older sister, Leah, instead. Jacob wakes up, realizes the switch, and confronts Laban in Genesis 29:25: “What is this you’ve done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?” This deception turns relatives into enemies.
Jacob, however, isn’t innocent. In Genesis 27, he deceives his father, Isaac, to steal his brother Esau’s blessing. Esau then plots to kill Jacob (Genesis 27:41), forcing Jacob to flee to Laban—where deception comes back to haunt him. The cycle continues into the next generation when Jacob’s sons deceive him about their brother Joseph, convincing him Joseph is dead. Deception leads to anger, bitterness, and broken relationships. If you want to mess up your family, keep secrets and tell lies. But every time truth wins, the family wins. Stamp out deception wherever you see it—don’t let it take root.
2. Cast Out Competition: Unity Over Division
Competition in a home creates tension and pain. After Laban’s deception, Jacob marries Leah but still wants Rachel. Laban offers a deal: serve another seven years, and Jacob can marry Rachel too. Now Jacob has two wives—sisters—who compete for his affection. In that culture, bearing sons was a primary way to win a husband’s love. Leah has four sons first, while Rachel has none. Genesis 30:1 says Rachel, jealous, tells Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!” Jacob angrily responds, “Am I in the place of God?” Rachel then gives her servant Bilhah to Jacob to bear children for her, followed by Leah giving her servant Zilpah. The competition escalates—11 children later, Rachel still has none of her own, leaving her devastated.
This competition stems from a violation of God’s design for marriage: one man, one woman, united as one flesh (Genesis 2). Polygamy, though culturally accepted then, wasn’t God’s plan, and it led to strife. Today, competition in homes—whether through divided loyalties in divorce, stepfamily conflicts, or a spouse competing for affection with someone else—creates similar pain. If competition exists in your home, end it. Don’t let your spouse or children compete for your love. Unity, not division, leads to a flourishing family.
3. Fight Off Favoritism: Honor Everyone Equally
Favoritism plagued Jacob’s family at every stage. In Genesis 27, Isaac loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob, setting the stage for conflict. Jacob carries this into his own family. When Rachel finally has a son, Joseph, she and Jacob favor him, symbolized by the multicolored coat. This favoritism angers Joseph’s brothers, who grow to hate him, plot to kill him, and eventually sell him into slavery. Favoritism wounds deeply, often for a lifetime.
Parents, be careful what you say about your kids. Avoid comments like, “She’s our different one,” or “He’s not the athlete his brothers are.” These words, even in jest, can devastate a child if overheard. Don’t compare siblings or withhold affection. Value each child for who God made them to be, not who you expect them to be. Discipline sin, but celebrate their unique design. Favoritism can also mean favoring yourself—putting your needs above the family’s. A flourishing family overcomes selfishness, making sacrifices for each other.
4. Focus on Forgiveness: Breaking the Cycle of Revenge
When wronged, our natural tendency is to seek revenge. A nurse shared a wild story about a couple in the operating room, both with gunshot wounds. The wife forgot to set the alarm, making the husband late for his new job. He shot her in the arm; she retaliated by shooting him back. Handcuffed to their gurneys, they apologized to each other: “I love you, honey, and I’m sorry I shot you.” It’s a humorous example, but forgiveness is better before guns are drawn!
Joseph’s story shows true forgiveness. After his brothers sell him into slavery, Joseph rises to power in Egypt. During a famine, his brothers come to him for food, not recognizing him. Joseph could have sought revenge for their deception, but instead, he weeps, reveals himself, and says in Genesis 45:5, “Do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.” His forgiveness restores the family, rescues them from famine, and reunites him with Jacob. Forgiveness breaks the cycle of revenge, bringing hope and healing.
Living It Out: Hope for Your Family
We all want healthy homes where God is honored, but none of us are fully there. Jacob’s story gives us hope—it’s never too late to change. Whether your kids are young, in high school, or out of the house, don’t throw in the towel. Root out deception, competition, and favoritism, and focus on forgiveness. Be intentional, even if it’s hard. God can restore relationships—with an estranged son, a teenage daughter, or a struggling spouse. We serve a God with whom anything is possible, including healing broken homes.
Closing Prayer
Heavenly Father, we come as broken people, having experienced struggles in our homes—past or present. Help us recognize where we’ve allowed deception, competition, or favoritism, and give us the courage to address it. Show us it’s not too late to be intentional, to make difficult decisions, and to walk a hard path toward forgiveness, healing, and hope. May our families flourish as we submit to You. In Jesus’ name, amen.
SERMON DETAILS
Speaker: Jeff McNicol
Series: Family Matters
Sermon Title: The Flourishing Family
Date: Feb 2, 2025
SCRIPTURE REFERENCES
Genesis 29:20, 25
Genesis 27:41
Genesis 30:1
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