Habits of the Household
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Habits of the Household: Unlocking Family Discipleship
Welcome to Pathway Church! I’m Pastor Ben, and I’m thrilled to continue our Family Matters sermon series with you today. Whether you’re here in the room, at our Classic venue, Moon campus, or joining us online—hello and welcome! Last week, we kicked off this series, and now we’re diving into a topic close to my heart: Habits of the Household, or what we might also call family discipleship.
The Joy and Challenge of Family Discipleship
As Bill Bright, founder of Cru, once said, “If you reach the family, you reach the world.” Family discipleship has the power to transform our homes and impact generations. That’s the joy! But it’s also a challenge. Families are messy—maybe you’re already chuckling at someone you came with! Many of us have complex family histories:
Great parents
Absent parents
Adoption
Foster care
And when it comes to discipling our kids, feelings of inadequacy often creep in. “Am I messing them up?” we wonder. Progress isn’t immediate—fruit takes time to grow. Yet, I promise you: the investment is worth it. Grandparents in our Classic venue would likely agree—investing spiritually in your kids yields lasting fruit.
My Family’s Story: A Legacy of Intentionality
I honor my parents, Mark and Jackie Marshall, who didn’t have family discipleship modeled for them growing up. But they had two key things:
A desire to raise us in a godly home
A connection to a local church
That church became my home church, where I interned, messed up, learned, and was eventually sent out to serve in ministry—first in Holland, Michigan, then here at Pathway. I wouldn’t be standing here without their commitment. They weren’t perfect (I can confirm as their kid!), but they never gave up. Their example of loving and prioritizing the local church shaped me and my sister, who now serves at her church too. They showed us that kids do what you do, not what you say.
Now, I’m a dad to three young daughters with my wife, Connie, married almost 11 years. Parenting is my greatest joy—and frustration! It’s sanctifying, revealing both the best and worst in me. Kids know how to push buttons, often parroting our own words back to us. Recently, I heard a quote on a podcast: “Your kids will do what you do, not what you say.” I loved it—perfect for this sermon! But then, while brushing my teeth outside the bathroom (a habit I tell my daughters not to do), they called me out. “Dad, why can you leave the bathroom, but we can’t?” Busted! I had to own it, finish brushing in the bathroom, and thank them for the reminder. What we do matters—our kids are watching.
The Why of Family Discipleship: A Biblical Foundation
This sermon isn’t about a one-size-fits-all “how” for family discipleship—every home is different. But understanding the why is key, because the “how” and “what” flow from it. We can’t force our kids to love Jesus, but we can guide them by example, pointing them to God as the perfect Father we’ll never be. Family discipleship isn’t a checklist; it’s a way of life, a set of habits reflecting our values. We make time for what matters—unlike Netflix binges or scrolling social media, which we somehow always find time for!
I pray every family here values Christlikeness above all—not just:
Scholarships
Grades
Sports stats
But the hearts and souls of our kids. Deuteronomy 6:4-9, known as the Shema, gives us the foundation. The Israelites recited it daily: “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.” Jesus later called this the greatest commandment. Let’s break down three realities from this passage for our households.
Three Realities for Our Households
1. Habits Must Be Personal: On Your Heart First
Deuteronomy 6:6 says these words “shall be on your heart.” You can’t give what you don’t have. To disciple others, you must be a disciple first. These habits must be on your heart before they can be on your kids’ hearts. Ask yourself: Does the fruit of my life reveal Jesus as my Savior and Lord? Not just “Am I saved?” but “Am I surrendered—in my anger, money, time, and will?” Kids mimic what we do, not what we say. If we curse in traffic, don’t be surprised if they do too! Guard your heart, as Scripture says, for it’s the wellspring of life. Fill it with God’s Word, and let it transform your habits.
2. Habits Must Be Ongoing: Out of Your Mouth in a Consistent Rhythm
Deuteronomy 6:7 commands, “You shall teach them diligently to your children.” This must be active and ongoing, flowing from a heart full of God’s Word into words of blessing. “Diligently” means with intentional care, not sporadic effort. Kids are moving targets—always changing, complex. My eight-year-old daughter baffles me sometimes! But the key to a habit is showing up, even when we fail. My wife, Connie, exemplifies this. One day, while waiting at gymnastics, our two-year-old, Ellie, grabbed a book and “read,” proclaiming, “Jesus loves me, I know!” in her sweet voice. The gospel rang out in that waiting room! Later, Connie shared she sings that song to Ellie every night. Simple, diligent habits plant profound seeds—even amid the fights on the way to church (yes, my kids fight too!).
3. Habits Must Be Intentional: On the Go, in Every Moment
Deuteronomy 6:7-9 continues, “Talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise… bind them as a sign on your hand… write them on the doorposts.” This must happen as you go, woven into daily life. A Bible commentator noted the intent: make God’s Word so familiar that it’s ready for all occasions, restraining sin and guiding duty. It’s not just for church—it’s for every moment. Sometimes habits form by accident, then become intentional because they work. But the goal is purposeful integration of God’s Word into our lives.
The Stakes: What Happens If We Don’t?
Judges 2:10 warns us: “There arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord.” They forgot to pass it on, and “the people of Israel did what was evil.” A generation was lost. Today, we see similar fruit:
Biblical illiteracy
Declining church attendance
Cultural attitudes reflecting a lack of intentional discipleship
Kids may know sports stats or social media trends but struggle to find Psalms or explain Noah’s story beyond the ark. What are we discipling them toward?
Your Role as a Disciplemaker
Parents, you’re the primary disciplemakers—spending far more time with your kids than the church ever could. As a youth pastor, I love discipling teens, but I’m not there at midnight when anxiety strikes. You are. The church equips and resources you, but you lead the way. Research shows kids who stick with their faith into adulthood often have at least five caring spiritual mentors. Parents provide two—leaving room for others. If you’re not a parent, you can be one of those mentors. It takes a village, and we need you!
Living It Out
Your kids do what you do, not what you say. What you do flows from who you are. So, who are you? In Christ, you’re a new creation—live it out. Make your household habits:
Personal
Ongoing
Intentional
Pick one area to grow in: your personal habits, a consistent rhythm, or intentional planning. Let’s lead our kids toward Jesus together.
Closing Prayer
Heavenly Father, thank You for being our good Father, inviting us into Your family. Transform us from the inside out, helping us develop habits that disciple our families intentionally. We need Your help, Jesus. We pray in Your holy name, amen.
SERMON DETAILS
Speaker: Jeff McNicol
Series: Family Matters
Sermon Title: Habits of the Household
Date: Feb 9, 2025
SCRIPTURE REFERENCES
Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Judges 2:10
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